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Market Volatility Got You Stressed? Try Laughing … And That’s No Joke

Remember Henny Youngman? He was an American comedian, famous for his mastery of the one-liner, whose best-known quip was “Take my wife … please.”

Here’s another one-liner, not Youngman’s, but not bad, at a time when so many investors these days recalibrate their portfolios: My trusted wealth manager just started working on a retirement plan. He doesn’t know it yet, but unfortunately, it is his!

While having a good sense of humor can’t cure all ailments or make the stock market go up, a good laugh during stressful times can do positive things.

Take my wife, Fay, please. No! I mean listen to my wife, Fay, a psychotherapist who knows a thing or two about laughter and the positive things it can do.

“Laughing has great short-term effects on one’s mood, as well as on one’s body,” Fay told me over dinner the other night, on the day that the Dow dove more than 1,100 points. “Laughter stimulates the heart and lungs and increases endorphins. It decreases blood pressure, creates relaxed feelings and even improves the immune system.”

Thank you, Fay. While the stock market these days is no joke, there are many jokes to be found about it. These below may not be quite as funny as Youngman’s one-liners, and certainly rank very high on the cheesy factor, but hopefully will ease a little tension among those that follow the market as we all plow through these tenuous times:

  • How do you find a small-cap fund manager? You find a large-cap fund manager … and wait.
  • Enduring the current stock market decline is worse than a divorce. You lose half your money, but your spouse is still around.
  • Why are nudists bad for stocks? They are associated with bare markets.
  • I figured out the secret of how to make a million bucks in the stock market. Invest $2 million.
  • Recently, I started to invest heavily in penny stocks. It seemed to make a lot of cents.
  • My friend is smart, honorable, and exudes old-school charm and chivalry, but he hates the stock market. When I asked him why, he said, “Gentlemen prefer bonds.”
  • Why was a stock trader recently electrocuted? He shorted Tesla.
  • In the stock market today, Procter & Gamble, maker of Charmin tissue, touched a new bottom, and millions of investors were wiped clean

Gallup’s 2022 Economy and Personal Finance Survey, conducted in April, found that 58 percent of all Americans own stock. With the market declines we have been experiencing lately, that’s no laughing matter. But it does pay to laugh, at least a little.

Roger Pondel, rpondel@pondel.com

Disappearing Transparency: A Call to Action

Back in July, the SEC proposed new 13-F rules, including amending the reporting threshold for investment managers to “reflect today’s equities markets.” At first blush, the headline seems okay. When one digs deeper (actually, you don’t need to dig deep at all), the proposed rules represent a huge step backwards to a time when issuers and the investing public had very little information about stock ownership.

Source: Securities and Exchange Commision

A little bit more about the SEC’s rationale before diving into the heart of the matter. According to its July 10 press release, the proposal would increase the 13-F reporting threshold from $100 million to $3.5 billion, “reflecting proportionally the same market value of U.S. equities that $100 million represented in 1975, the time of the statutory directive.” From everything I’ve read on the subject, this rationale is misguided and imprudent.

According to IHS Markit, approximately 600 of the 5,200 investment managers that filed a Form 13-F last quarter manage over $3.5 billion in equities. Put another way, almost 90 percent of investment managers that are currently required to report their holdings, would no longer be required to do so. Further, more than 90 percent of the dollar value of the securities currently reported is held by these 600 firms. IHS Markit also noted that, on average, 55 percent of the investors on an issuer’s shareholder list would stop filing 13-F’s, 69 percent of the hedge funds on an issuer’s shareholder list would stop filing 13-F’s, and “IR Immune investors,” including index funds, quants and brokers would stop filing for 2 percent of their share value, while active investors would stop filing for 10 percent of their share value. Not good for an industry that requires more visibility, not less.

The National Investor Relations Institute (NIRI), has aggressively taken up the cause, rallying issuers, IR counselors and other prominent business associations. Last week, NIRI sent a letter to the SEC opposing the proposed rule. 237 issuers with a combined market cap of almost $3 trillion, five high-profile business associations and 26 IR counseling firms signed on in support. Additionally, NIRI reports widespread opposition from retail investors and small investment managers, who, in total, have submitted more than 1,000 comments to the SEC.

It’s not too late to take action, even if you’ve already signed on to NIRI’s letter. The deadline for submitting comments directly to the SEC is September 29. You can visit NIRI’s Advocacy Call to Action page for more information and suggestions on how you can help.

The SEC’s proposal would significantly hamper issuers’ ability to understand who owns their stock, who is selling their stock and who is buying their stock. Imagine a scenario in which an activist is slowly building a position, but you can’t see it happening and you are blindsided by a takeover attempt. Imagine how difficult it would be to keep current holders updated if you don’t know who they are. Imagine the inefficiency of having no way to prioritize incoming phone calls and meeting requests because you are in the dark about ownership status.

Perhaps Jim Cramer said it best. “If you believe Wall Street is important, if you believe business is important, if you believe the market is important, then the public deserves to know who owns what.” Use your voice to let the SEC know that you strongly oppose the proposed rule.

Laurie Berman, lberman@pondel.com